(no subject)

The mist rose from the black street as I drove along. It had rained only a little just enough to cause trouble for drivers on the well kept blacktop. I had to get out of the house though. I needed to clear my head. Depression seems to still to have power over me, especially in the basement I am living now. I feel buried under my past, my failures, and my family's expectations. I miss my people. I miss the feeling like I have a presence. I am invisible here to all but my rather insular family. Anyways that is all leading up to my drive. I drove roads i used to walk when I was a child. The evaporating rain produced a warm haze which gave everything a strange unreal feeling. I drove up to one of the elementary schools I went to when I was young. I stopped and walked around briefly. It is gearing up for the new school year and so it had people busily going about their buisness. I walked along watching them through the haze outside and I felt like a ghost watching the living. Strangely it was a pleasent feeling and was vaguely comforting. Some how feeling unreal watching life go by in places I once lived made me feel alright with my life. I felt my life was more real. It still hurts to be away from friends but I know longer look at it as being seperated from my life. I am still living my life. This does not mean I am not looking to move back to atlanta someday I am just not going feel like I am outside life while I do things here.

TechNoir