Insanity

[technoir]

Okay kids, one of those things people I have sat on a while I feel a desire to talk about. On three different occassions I have been diagnosed with mental problems. Starting with my birth I was a month late. While my mom slept and with out consulting with anyone in the family the doctors performed a spinal tap and determined I suffered from brain damage. They informed my mother of this and followed with the lovely words "But thats okay the world needs ditch diggers too."

Later in school it was determined that the doctors were right, that I suffered from a learning disability. They also determined that i was gifted as well. Having these two views of me actually messed with my head for a while.

Later in the high school years i was diagnosed with clinical depression. I had deep funks and a violent lashing out that I have since at least suppressed most of.

After high school I was diagnosed as suffering from ADD. I took ritalin for over a year. It did in fact help me out though it was remarkably expensive and eventually the cost and my own shame for needing it lead me to stop taking it.

All of these things have been a part of me for years. I deal with them everyday. I have learned to live with them and control myself when they get the better of me. I have learned to work around my difficulties in learning and learned how to shape the process to work better for me. I guess i want to talk about it now cause I know a number of friends who have had there own problems and I know what they are going through. It is not easy. There are some who have caught me on my bad days and I have made an ass of my self. I want to appologize for it but I never know how. Oh by the way, please forgive me for being a nutjob. It doesn't quite do it. So I sit on it and it messes with me more.

Oh well I am done making confession.

Not sure how to follow that one up.

TechNoir

Comments

[whymsical.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Sometimes Dr's don't know everything hun. Don't put alot of stock in the box they want to place you in. I was defined as mentall retarded and suicidal depression. But I was able to overcome, and even prove them wrong. Your an incredible person, perhaps you have at once/or do suffer from such things. But it doesn't the define the person that you are.

We all have bad days *hugs* Love ya sweety, and I've always got a shoulder for you hun.

[technoir.livejournal.com]

Actually it does shape me in someways. It effects how i think how I deal with people. It has to have some effect. People are the sum of their experiences to some extent.

TechNoir