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So I have been told by several of my coworkers I am scary and generally thought of as mean. One of them told me I give the impression I could become violent at the drop of a hat. Now I have never become violent around any of them. I don’t curse and I don’t in anyway try to relate anger at my fellow employees.
Am I scary? I would blow this off if it were not several people saying this and they are not the only ones to have said such. I have long time friends who have said so. Do you think maybe that has something to do with my lack of advancement at work?
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Am I scary? I would blow this off if it were not several people saying this and they are not the only ones to have said such. I have long time friends who have said so. Do you think maybe that has something to do with my lack of advancement at work?
If you want to post anonymously please do so.
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Personally I find nothing scary about you!
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It's not an accurate image of you, but that is probably where it comes from.
S~
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On the other hand if they have a difficult customer they want me to be the one to take over the call.
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S~
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Other than the occasional jolt from you sneaking up behind me on a dark trail, you don't scare me....*)
~K~
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I don't think you're particularly scary at all.
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It might be because of the way you talk sometimes, the low slow speech patter you adopt occasionally. I could see someone seeing you so calm and thinking you're gonna snap.
Do they really know you at all? How much do you chat with them? Do you ever go out to after-work-parties or anything?
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Yes, it can cause problems with career progression, hence my desire to disguise it as much as possible. Strong secure people don't seem to have as much problem seeing through it to the real you underneath.
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However, this is after LARPing with you for 9 years, living with you for a short time and hanging out with you at your apartment for a year before moving. so I can see why you could be intimidating.
Now you have never actually done anything to warrant that reaction but sometimes you don't have to.
You're a big guy and the size is not just fat, it is apparent that you have significant muscle mass as well.
You do not give off any hints of being a "jolly big dumb friend" It is clear that you are intelligent and as others have said, you have an intensity can be alarming if caught unready or unssuspecting.
Add these above things to my own personality which is often skittish and guarded when meeting new people or new coworkers and I imagine you can see where I might be intimidated by you at first.
Now as to how this might effect work. As I said it is pretty clear to most people that you are not the imagined jolly big guy who is friendly but not all with it upstairs. Clientlogic, from everything I have ever heard about it, feeds on friendly but generally weak-willed workers, those who are capable of doing the job and following chain of command but are unlikely to ever make a push for a raise or better hours (perfect workers). To your cowokers it seems clear that you do not fit within these perceived boundaries but you are still there and they just may not be sure what to make of that and that can be intimidating too.
so are you a scary peron? no, but can be percieved as such by the people who interact with you without really knowing you.
How to help reduce this misperception? Not sure, possibly try taking a bit more time to say hi or talk to some of the ones willing to try to get to know you?
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In order to combat this (advance), I've had to start sharing things from my personal life - the most harmless things I can think of. Happily, it's a good year for that - wedding, house purchase, these are things that the mouth-breathers can wrap their miniscule minds around.
Just think of it as putting on another character, specifically for work. If you were a girl, I'd tell you to imagine putting your hair up in ponytails with ribbons, and going out of your way to play "cute". As a guy, you'll have to make your own equivalent to that, but that's the idea.
Always remember - humans fear what they do not understand.
And no, I don't think you're scary. My military-trained Cuban boss? *She* is scary!
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just saying.
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sadly, it's true that for advancement in a company like this, you're going to have to actually befriend and socialize with your co-workers. If that's what you want- it's the sacrifice you'll have to make.
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oh and for the record. I like cats. I am alergic to them but I do like them. And I would not eat the cute bunny unless it was a survival thing. I figure you knew that but it helps to say it sometimes.
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You're a big guy. You wear all black. You're confident. You're not shy. You don't have a movie-star face (excuse the bluntness). You don't share the same hobbies as the normals. Roll all those things together, and people feel intimidated by you.
If I didn't know you, and I saw you walking down the street, my internal 'potential danger' gauge would trigger.
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Others have described you as a big guy - I'm tall for a female, and nobody is ever going to call me small. But I was the runt in my family of origin, so I still don't really think of myself as tall at all, especially now that I've lost some height because of health problems. I'm only about 5'6" or so, and Sam is 6'2". My "baby" brother is 6'5" and little sis is 5'10". I don't feel intimidating ;-)
But how we feel and how others perceive us just isn't the same, obviously. The fact that you're able to focus at work indicates that you probably focus at other times, too. Since many people flitter-flutter throughout their lives without getting (as far as I can tell) diddly-shit done, intensity can be absolutely foreign - and thus frightening - to them.
Are your managers complaining? Are you able to socialize at company-mandated (or suggested) events? If no to one and yes to two, I wouldn't waste any more time on the issue :-) The company probably appreciates your focus!
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