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[technoir]

The thing I hate about being broke all the time is not the not getting the things i want. I am used to not having the things I want. I have been that way for most of my life. No it is the owing money to people. I hate that. Not that I am angry at those i owe money to. I owe money to my mom and Tim. I owe money to Guy. I owe money to my grandparents. When my hide has been on the line they all stepped up and paid to keep my head above water. I love them for all the help they gave me. I hate having to ask for the help though. Anyway you cut this I am going to have to ask my family for help again. I cant afford to pay the rent, my insurance, and fix my car tommorrow.They will help I am sure. They are good people and they love me. But I hate having to need it.

I have had some very good friends(read aveareya and biff_roco) drive into my head that sometimes you need to just ask for help. I get that but the thing I hate most is being a burden on anyone. This is my frustration. Sorry i am angry right now. I will get past it. I dont like it is all and there is nothing right now I can do to change it seems. Damn.

I am going to bed now. Perhaps if i am lucky i will be struck by lightening in my sleep.

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[technoir.livejournal.com]

I think karma is for the next life. hmm. Maybe lightening not a bad idea after all. I am kidding of course. i always survive. I am just venting.