(no subject)

[technoir]

The thing I hate about being broke all the time is not the not getting the things i want. I am used to not having the things I want. I have been that way for most of my life. No it is the owing money to people. I hate that. Not that I am angry at those i owe money to. I owe money to my mom and Tim. I owe money to Guy. I owe money to my grandparents. When my hide has been on the line they all stepped up and paid to keep my head above water. I love them for all the help they gave me. I hate having to ask for the help though. Anyway you cut this I am going to have to ask my family for help again. I cant afford to pay the rent, my insurance, and fix my car tommorrow.They will help I am sure. They are good people and they love me. But I hate having to need it.

I have had some very good friends(read aveareya and biff_roco) drive into my head that sometimes you need to just ask for help. I get that but the thing I hate most is being a burden on anyone. This is my frustration. Sorry i am angry right now. I will get past it. I dont like it is all and there is nothing right now I can do to change it seems. Damn.

I am going to bed now. Perhaps if i am lucky i will be struck by lightening in my sleep.

Comments

[pipistrella.livejournal.com]

Lightening is unlikely. Money is better.

[technoir.livejournal.com]

and yet money seems more unlikely.

[aveareya.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry things are so bad sweetie. I really know how you feel. You've been a fantastic friend and person - and you've had a ton of bad luck, soon your day will come and the karmic wheel will give you lots of prezzies.

[technoir.livejournal.com]

I think karma is for the next life. hmm. Maybe lightening not a bad idea after all. I am kidding of course. i always survive. I am just venting.

[biff-rocko.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel. I am currently in the same boat. We now have no heater and it has been this way for nearly a week. I am working my ass off trying to get money that I owe people, pay my mortgage, feed my family, and now I have to waste money on a furnace.

I, however, do not want to get struck by lightning.

[technoir.livejournal.com]

I actually used to joke I wanted to be struck by lightening and survive. That way when the guys getting getting together to compare injuries thing happens I could say "I was struck down by god." and sort of win the comparison.

Burden

[speaks.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't think of yourself as a burden. Your friends WANT to help out, otherwise they wouldn't.

I'm worse than most about being a cheerful giver. Part of my nature seems to radiate "I'm doing this for you because you're an idiot and can't do it yourself." That is wrong of me and something I am working on. (You should see the social problems I've already gotten out of my system!)

You have lots of people that are willing to help out, me and the wife included. Aveareya and Biff_Roco are wise.

Re: Burden

[technoir.livejournal.com]

I know. and i love all of you for it. I have some of the coolest and most generous people I have ever known in my life at this point. It is just something that always gets under my skin. I want to be the one helping other people. not the one who always needs help.